15 Parenting Tips for ADHD That Reduce Stress and Conflict

Parenting a teen with ADHD can feel exhausting, confusing, and emotional.
You love your child deeply, but the conflict, meltdowns, and constant reminders can leave you drained.

I’m Ivan, a parent coach and occupational therapist. I also have a child with ADHD. These are the 15 parenting tips for ADHD I wish I had known earlier.
They’re tools I still use and practice as a father. I’m sharing them with you so you can create more peace, connection, and confidence at home.

1. Repair Quickly After Conflict

Arguments will happen. That is normal.
What matters most is what you do after.

Repair the relationship as soon as you can. Apologize when you need to. Accept your teen’s apology, even if it is messy or imperfect. Reconnect with a hug, a small joke, or a gentle comment like:

“I love you. That was hard. Let’s try again.”

Quick repair reduces shame, builds trust, and shows your teen that the relationship is more important than the mistake.

Explore   ADHD and Anger Control: Understanding the Connection 

2. Keep Expectations Age Appropriate for Their Brain

A teen with ADHD often functions emotionally and organizationally at a younger age.
If your child is 13, they might respond more like a 9-year-old in some situations.
This does not mean they are lazy or disrespectful—their brain just needs more time and support.

When you adjust your expectations to their brain, not just their age, you will feel less frustrated.
They will feel more understood and safer to grow.

Explore ADHD brain development research 

3. Set Routines, Not Rigid Rules

Teens with ADHD do best with structure that feels supportive, not controlling.
Routines give predictability. Predictability makes it easier for their brain to process what’s happening.

Rigid rules often increase power struggles.
Routines sound like:

• “After school, we snack, then homework, then free time.”

• “Before bed, we shower, take meds, put phone away, then read.”

Think of routines as a guiding path, not a tight cage.

4. Praise Effort, Not Just Outcomes

Your teen already knows when they fail. They see the missed homework, the messy room, the forgotten tasks.

What they don’t get enough of is praise for trying. Instead of only saying, “Why didn’t you finish this?” try:

• “I see you started your homework. That’s a big step.”

• “You worked hard to stay at the table for 10 minutes. That matters.”

When you praise effort, you support growth. You show them that progress counts, not just perfection.

5. Offer Choices Instead of Commands

Parenting tips for ADHD include giving your child a sense of control.
No one likes feeling controlled—especially teens.

Instead of saying, “Do this now,” give two clear choices that both work for you:

• “Do you want to start your homework at the table or on the couch?”

• “Do you want to shower before dinner or after?”

Choices reduce stress, resistance, and arguments.

6. Use Visual Supports

Many teens with ADHD struggle to keep everything in their head. Visual supports can help:

• A visual schedule on the wall

• A whiteboard with the steps for the morning routine

• A time outline for homework and breaks

When your teen can see what’s coming next, you reduce arguments, surprises, and overwhelm.

Read our step-by-step parenting skills for ADHD 

7. Create a Calm Down Plan Before the Meltdown

When your teen is overwhelmed, they’re not using the logical part of their brain—they’re in survival mode.

That’s not the time to teach new coping skills. You need a calm down plan that you create together when everyone is calm.

This might include:

• A quiet space they can go to

• A favorite fidget or object

• Music, deep breathing, or a weighted blanket

• A phrase like, “I need a break.”

Practice it while they’re regulated so it feels familiar when emotions rise.

8. Keep Directions Short and Concrete

Long explanations overload the ADHD brain.
Give short, clear, calm instructions.

Instead of:

“Go upstairs, clean your room, organize your desk, and then get ready for school.”

Try:

“First, pick up all clothes from the floor.”
“Now put your books on the shelf.”

Short, simple steps help your teen follow through and feel successful.

9. Transition Slowly and Give Lots of Heads Up

Transitions are hard for many teens with ADHD.
Switching from one activity to another can feel like hitting a wall.

Help by giving advance notice:

• “In 10 minutes, we’re turning off screens.”

• “After this episode, it’s time to shower.”

• “Tomorrow morning we have to leave earlier. I’ll remind you tonight and again in the morning.”

Too many cues? Your teen will tell you. That’s a good sign—they’re processing.

Discover executive functioning and ADHD in teens 

10. Give the Nervous System a Job

The ADHD brain often needs movement and sensory input to focus.

You can help by giving the nervous system something to do:

• Carrying groceries

• Pushing a heavy laundry basket

• Walking the dog

• Chewing crunchy snacks

• Doing wall pushes or jumping jacks

These activities regulate the brain and body when used in an organized way.

11. Use Timers as Support, Not Pressure

Timers can be a great tool when used gently.

Say:

“I’m going to set a timer for 5 minutes so we remember when it’s time to get ready to go.”

Avoid:

“You only have 5 minutes. You better hurry.”

Support invites cooperation. Pressure creates anxiety.

12. Use “When Then” Statements

“When then” statements create clear, predictable cause and effect.

• “When your homework is started, then you can have screen time.”

• “When your dishes are in the sink, then you can go outside.”

Be consistent and calm. It removes arguing and makes expectations clear.

13. Break Tasks into Tiny Doable Steps

“Clean your room” feels overwhelming.

Instead, break it down:

• “First, put all dirty clothes in the basket.”

• “Next, put books on the shelf.”

• “Then, throw away any trash.”

Your teen may shut down not because they won’t—but because they don’t know where to start.

14. Lower the Emotional Temperature Before Giving Directions

If everyone’s emotions are high, instructions won’t land.
High emotion = survival brain.

Lower the temperature:

• Lower your voice

• Turn down background noise

• Pause for deep breaths

• Say: “Let’s all take a minute, then we’ll talk about what needs to happen next.”

Calm opens the door for cooperation.

15. Parenting Tips for ADHD Start With You

This is the most important tip: regulate yourself first.

Your child mirrors your nervous system.
If you’re calm inside, they have something steady to anchor to.
If you’re chaotic inside, even if you look calm, they feel it.

Start by noticing your own triggers:

• Step away

• Take a breath

• Remind yourself: “My child is struggling, not trying to hurt me.”

Your regulation builds their regulation.
Try mindfulness strategies for ADHD parenting 

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

These 15 parenting tips for ADHD are not about being a perfect parent.
They’re about creating a safer, calmer, and more connected home—one small shift at a time.

If you see your family in this, you are not failing.
You are learning.
You are growing.
You are showing up.

See how ADHD parent coaching transforms stress into calm 

Ready to Parent with More Peace and Confidence?

You don’t have to figure this out alone. If any of these parenting tips for ADHD speak to your experience, let’s work through them together.

Book a free clarity call to explore parent coaching that actually works